they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
