Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
