upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
