Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
