Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
