I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
