she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
