1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
