HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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