Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
