I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
