Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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