i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
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