I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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