i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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