New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
