He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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