am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You ruined the universe
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
