So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
