Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
