Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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