The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
