Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
