Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
