If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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