oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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