he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
