I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
