Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
