I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
