Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
