Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
ugly people sure do ruin things
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
