I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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