And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
