Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Apparently you make a good broom.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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