who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Girls should come with a carfax report
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My vagina is officially offended.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
