It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
