Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
How external is "for external use only"?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
