She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
