meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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