I want to walk on stilts...naked
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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