i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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