New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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