Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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