So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
