There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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