Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
