so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
