Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
