Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
