i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
